We're not like this anymore
by song-left-unheard
Summary: It's not that William Darcy never thought about Caroline Lee in that way (as more than friends). So why has it never worked out between them? The reasons span a lifetime. Includes angst, romance, family, and friendship. T for bad language and some "adult themes" (but nothing too graphic)
1. Prologue

**A/N: Don't worry! I'm still hard at work on my Neverending fic (check it out here: s/9187831/1/Neverending ) but a couple weeks ago I got a request from an Anon on Tumblr to do a why Caroline/Darcy never happened. This is the beginning of that! I'm going to try and not let it get too long because I probably will be really bad about updating 2 fics at once, but we'll see what happens. Chapter 1 is almost done and should be up soon! I love your prompts and I promise I'm trying to get to them all :) Thanks and always reviews are loved! **

Prologue 

It's not that William Darcy never thought about Caroline Lee in that way (as more than a friend). It's not that he never treated her as more than a friend (there was that one time…well… he won't jump ahead). It was just that it wasn't meant to be. She was his best friend's little sister and he was a year older than her and he didn't want to risk their friendship and well, it just wouldn't work out well.

William has always been good at making excuses.

You wouldn't expect it from him, he's such a good man now after all, but William went through his rebellious years (those years were closely tied to his friendship with George Wickham). He got good at explaining why he didn't have his homework to his teachers or why he was home at three in the morning to his "worried sick" mother.

But when he was being honest, those weren't the real reasons, or at least not the _only_ reasons, why he never pursued Caroline.

The real reasons start before William even met her, before he'd even met Bing. The real reasons span across most of his lifetime.


	2. What are friends for?

**A/N: I'll be updating this on Wednesdays. Hope you like chapter one! :) As always, I am not Jane Austen or Hank/Bernie and I only own P&P and the LBD in my daydreams. **

Chapter 1: What are friends for? 

William Darcy has trust issues. This is reason number one.

* * *

Will brushes his floppy dark hair out of his bright blue eyes and bites nervously on his bottom lip. He knocks once on the door across the hall from his bedroom. It's after one in the morning, but there's light spilling through the crack under the door so Will knows its occupant is awake. He gets no answer, so he pushes lightly, swinging the door right open.

Sure enough, George Wickham is sitting cross legged on the floor, elbows propped on the open window sill, leaning out, with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. It's not the first time Will has walked in on George smoking, but every time he does, he can't help but feel like running in the opposite direction.

Will misses the George of eleven and twelve, freshly hurt from the loss of his father, who always came to Will for guidance and the experience of someone two years his senior. This George, age fourteen, doesn't care at all about sixteen year old Will's advice. This George will smoke and break girls' hearts all he wants.

Will carefully positions himself on the end of George's bed, as far away from the wafting smoke as he can.

"Yeah?" George whispers, without turning around, after the silence has reigned far too long.

"I saw the light, just wanted to make sure you're not too nervous for your first day of high school," Will replies, with genuine concern for his younger friend.

"There's no need to lie, Will," George spits out. "I know you're just making sure I'm not drinking again. I told you that was just a one-time thing and there was no need to be such a fucking asshole about it. Honestly Will, I don't even know why you worry about me so much. You should be worrying about you. I mean, have you ever even fucked a girl? You're fucking sixteen Will!"

Will hates that name. Hates how easily George spits it out, making it sound almost like an insult. Has hated it ever since George pronounced William as 'too grown-up' and thus, shortened the one thing Will was so happy to share with his father.

At least his parents and Gigi still call him William, but to everyone else he is merely Will, the dorky kid who uses too many big words, often wears a tie, and is best friends with attractive and charming varsity swimmer George Wickham, who, inexplicably, seems to actually enjoy Will's company.

Will ignores George's rhetorical question and instead comments on the drinking. "You shouldn't have stolen the alcohol from Dad," Will says, trying not to sound like too much of a 'fucking asshole.' "And you know I didn't tell them about it. I won't tell them about your smoking either, I promise."

Will is trying so hard to get George's approval. He doesn't think about how some might view this as a strange relationship. It's just always been that way between the two of them.

George simply shrugs and turns back to his window, taking another long drag on the cigarette.

Will sighs, tired with everything, tired with life. "Do you have another one of those?"

This causes George to quickly spin around. "The perfect William Darcy is asking alleged 'bad boy' George Wickham for a cigarette?" he asks flabbergasted. Will nods his head and George laughs. "No way, I'm not going to be blamed for soiling your reputation!"

George laughs again, stubs out his cigarette and crosses to his bed, flopping down next to Will.

"And I'm quitting anyway. That was my last one," George says and Will gives him a questioning look. "Don't want to hurt my chances of succeeding in swimming," George continues quickly.

This is why Will likes George and still hangs out with him, despite his rebellious tendencies. George makes everything look easy. George reminds Will to stop being so uptight sometimes. George knows how to balance having fun and staying grounded in reality. And George will never let Will down. Friends protect each other. Isn't that right?

* * *

Lucy nips playfully at Will's bottom lip and giggles as he lets out an adorable sigh. Will runs his tongue along all corners of her mouth as he digs his fingers into the small of her back. She slips her hands under his t-shirt, gracefully pulling it over his head and discarding it under the bed. He falls back onto his mattress, pulling her down on top of him.

"Parents?" Lucy breathes between kisses.

"Working late," Will replies, kissing her neck.

"Sister?"

"At a friend's house."

"Thank god."

Will pulls his girlfriend back to his mouth, his hands creeping under her shirt, when his bedroom door slams open.

"Hey Will, you know that chick I was—oh shit, sorry!" George stifles a laugh as he casts his eyes over the scene in front of him. "Never thought I'd walk in on this situation," he mutters.

Will chucks a pillow at his friend as Lucy looks politely embarrassed. George grins from ear to ear as he throws the pillow back.

"I'll just go pick up Gigi then," he says with another laugh as he retreats, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Will doesn't even think to talk to George about what happened that afternoon. After all, Will has walked in on George kissing girls countless times and it wasn't even like he and Lucy were doing anything that terrible. It was no big deal right? Just something that came with having an almost brother.

* * *

Will gently puts one hand over his nine year old sister's, guiding her pencil to correct the mistake she's made in her math homework.

"Like this Gigi," he says softly, careful not to disturb George who's doing homework across the hall.

Anne Darcy pokes her head into her son's bedroom. "It's time for bed now, Gigi. And I believe your father wants you in his office, William."

Will ruffles his sister's black bob and she throws her hands around his neck and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for helping me with my homework," she whispers in his ear.

He watches her run across the hall and give George a kiss goodnight as well, before returning to her own sunshine yellow bedroom. Anne coughs quietly to remind her son of her presence.

"Your father," she mentions, nodding her head in the direction of William Darcy Sr.'s home office.

Will walks straight backed down the hallway and knocks on his dad's office door, not entering until he hears the patient "come in" from within.

* * *

Looking back on the whole incident, Will realizes that he probably should have been expecting it. Why else would his dad have wanted to talk to him? But Will's mind was focused on school work and friends and his girlfriend. And he believed that George would keep his secrets.

* * *

Will sits in the chair across from his dad and William Sr. swivels so that he's facing his son.

"Mom said you wanted to see me?" Will asks, trying not to react to his dad's intense gaze.

"George said that he walked in on you and a girl involved in some, um…sexual relations," William Sr. starts coughing awkwardly. Will merely stares in shock, unsure how to respond. William Sr. quickly continues. "I understand completely, William. You are, after all, sixteen and a junior in high school. You have a steady girlfriend. It is perfectly acceptable if you want to involve in these, um…activities, but I wanted to make sure you didn't have any questions…?"

Will finally finds his words and immediately blurts out the first thing on his mind. "Are you trying to give me the sex talk, Dad?" He feels a blush creeping up his cheeks as soon as he says it.

"Do you need one?" William Sr. asks, blushing as well.

"NO!" Will shouts. "I mean, no Dad, I don't have any questions."

"Are you sure? I just want to make sure you're being smart and safe-"

Will interjects, "Nope, it's all great Dad; honestly, we were just kissing…Can I go now?"

William Sr. nods slowly. "Just, uh…know I'm here for you…Okay son, good talk." He slaps Will on the shoulder uncomfortably and Will quickly flees the room.

* * *

Will considers confronting George, but decides against it, and eventually the incident just becomes another story untold, another unseen wedge in their relationship.

* * *

William Darcy is a coward. And this is reason number two.


	3. Someone I need to protect

Chapter 2: Someone I need to protect

The way Bing Lee and William Darcy meet is a perfect foreshadowing of the rest of their relationship.

William has been at Harvard three weeks and has yet to talk to anyone who isn't one of his professors. Bing Lee already has a dark haired beauty hanging onto his every word, or at least his wallet.

William is sitting in the courtyard outside of the library on a bright Saturday afternoon. Predictably, his nose is stuck in a textbook. Bing is picnicking with some friends, and his "girlfriend" in the same courtyard.

Bing Lee is the first to admit that he's not good at many things, but he is _very_ good at knowing when someone needs to lighten up.

"Hey," says a voice, causing William to finally lift his head and take in his surroundings.

William lifts a hand to shade his eyes from the autumn sun. Looking down at him is a tall dark haired guy with a full smile that highlights his boyish features, despite the sharp angle to his jaw.

"Hello," William replies stiffly. "Can I help you with something?"

The boy cracks a smile and slides onto the bench next to William.

"I'm Bing Lee, freshman, studying medicine," Bing sticks out his hand and William dutifully shakes.

"I'm," he pauses. He hasn't introduced himself as William in a while, but Will doesn't fit him anymore. It's about time he got rid of that childish nickname anyway. "William Darcy," he finishes.

"Cool," Bing says, with another full blown smile. "What are you studying?"

"Business," William says. He returns his eyes to the book, hoping that Bing will get the hint and leave.

But Bing has latched onto his new project; and he's not going to be shaken off that easily.

"Look, Darcy, my man," Bing starts, and William looks back up in shock. "What?" Bing asks, seeing the strange expression that has crossed William's face.

William shakes his head slightly to clear his thoughts. "Um, nothing. I, uh, just no one has ever referred to me in that way before…"

"Oh, sorry!" Bing quickly apologizes. "I just thought…Darcy fits you…"

"You don't know me," William replies.

Bing fiddles with his hands uncomfortably. "I guess not…"

William swallows. "No, I, uh, I like it. Please, continue."

Bing cracks a smile again and William cracks one too.

"So, newly dubbed Darcy, you up for ditching the books and joining the party?"

* * *

"We have to leave," Darcy whisper yells to Bing, pulling him into the corner of the bar and away from the raucous music.

"What? Why?" Bing replies incredulously. Darcy can smell the weak beer on his breath, but Bing is holding his alcohol well and is barely tipsy. "Is this about your crazy fear of getting arrested? I told you a million times that this is totally safe."

"Well, there is that," Darcy says, Bing's protest sidetracking him from his real reason. "We're only eighteen Bing! Don't you think this is a little risky?!"

"You need a drink," Bing says, shoving his bottle into Darcy's hand. Darcy recoils and Bing laughs, kindly of course, at his friend's visible discomfort. "Suit yourself."

Bing turns to head back towards his girlfriend of the past two months, Emily, and Darcy grabs his friend's shoulder.

"No wait! We have to leave because of…" Darcy lowers his voice. "Emily…"

"What about her?" Bing says, sobering up.

"She's dating you for the money," Darcy whispers, hating the way the smile drops off of Bing's face.

"No she's not," Bing replies, shaking his head slightly with a kicked puppy look in his eyes. "How do you know?"

"I overheard a part of her conversation…" Darcy trails off, but he doesn't need to say anymore. "And I just know. She keeps sending _you _to buy drinks."

"No…" Bing denies. "I don't believe you."

"Tell her you forgot your credit card, see what she says," Darcy suggests.

* * *

Emily breaks up with Bing the next day, spouting some excuse about his "not being faithful to their relationship." Bing and Darcy both know the real reason. Darcy really hates being right.

* * *

"You're just like my sister," Bing says, peering at Darcy over his textbook and tilting backwards in his desk chair.

"Okay," Darcy replies, unsure if this is a compliment or not.

"She's always telling me that I have to be more careful of people who are trying to use me," Bing mutters, half under his breath, but loud enough for Darcy to hear.

"I'm sorry," Darcy says, because he is. He likes Bing and hates it that he's been hurt.

"Don't be," Bing answers. "I know you're just looking out for me."

"Well, somebody has too," Darcy responds.

* * *

This is reason number three. William Darcy is afraid of hurting his best friend and he has sworn to always protect Bing Lee.

* * *

"Hey Gigi," William greets his little sister when she answers the telephone. "What's up?"

"William!" Gigi squeals. "I've never heard you say what's up before! Who thought Harvard would be so good for you!"

He can hear the smile in her voice and finds himself smiling too.

"Well, I've met some people who are teaching me to loosen up. But how are you? How is school going? Are you worried for middle school next year?"

Gigi launches into a story about what her fifth grade science teacher said in class the other day. William half listens, but mostly just lets his sister's voice wash over him.

* * *

"Darcy?" Bing shuts his book and rolls over on his bed, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Yes?" Darcy replies, without shutting his own book.

"You have a little sister right?"

"Yeah."

"What do you do when she tells you something that kind of makes you worry and…" Bing rambles, until Darcy interrupts.

"Can you be more specific?"

Bing sighs and gets up to start pacing. "My sister told me about this guy she's dating and she's telling me how she's going to break up with him because love is stupid and I don't know…" Bing ruffles a hand through his hair. "She's coming to Harvard next year and I just worry she's going to shut herself off from fun and adventure. I worry she's giving up on the world too soon."

"Oh," Darcy says, silenced by the depth of Bing's remarks. "I've never really talked with Gigi about things like this. She's only eleven."

"Forget it," Bing says, shaking his head and plopping back down on the bed. "She's eighteen; I know she can take care of herself."

* * *

William Darcy is worried about Caroline Lee before he has even met her. Bing tends to be over dramatic, but the foundation for his concern about his sister is accurate. And this is reason number four.

* * *

"You and your sister are welcome to come visit this summer," Darcy says as he and Bing pack their suitcases, preparing for their trips home to separate states. "I mean, if you want to…"

Bing smiles, "I'd love you to meet Caroline. And I'd love to meet your parents, and Gigi."

As the boys make plans, Darcy finds himself more and more curious to meet Bing's sister. He's pretty certain that they're going to get along.

**A/N: Yeah...this is super disconnected...sorry... Next chapter we meet Caroline Lee though! Reviews make me feel like a magic sparkly unicorn (in a good way) :)**


	4. Hide so it doesn't hurt

**A/N: So, I'm leaving in about a week and I won't have internet access for a month! I really don't want to leave with this fic unfinished and I have a few chapters left that I want to write. I'm going to be uploading this not on schedule in the hopes that I can finish this before I leave so keep your eyes open for randomly posted new chapters :)**

Chapter 3: Hide so it doesn't hurt 

Caroline Lee isn't exactly what he's expecting. She looks like Bing, with a wide, sparkly white toothed, smile that constantly overtakes her face, but the smile, unlike Bing's, is a little unsettling. So is the way she speaks. Maybe it's that Darcy isn't a very good conversationalist, but Caroline doesn't seem to need two people for a conversation. She fills long pauses with excess words.

And the weirdest thing is how she seems to be more like the older sibling in Bing and Caroline's relationship. Darcy doesn't know a lot about being a sibling, as he and Gigi are very far apart in age, but the way Caroline acts reminds him eerily of how George always acted in a sibling way to Gigi, or often at times, to Darcy himself.

Despite her slightly off-putting nature, Darcy decides that, in general, Caroline Lee is fun to have around. She certainly keeps life interesting, and Darcy has to admit that he has been getting bored. Bing has such an easy going and genial nature. And Caroline… Well, Caroline wasn't afraid to be a little snarky.

Of course, she was the picture of a perfect guest to Darcy's parents, as was Bing, but whenever Bing was preoccupied, often at night, Caroline was quick to find her way to Darcy's side, or bedroom, so they could laugh about the day's events and lightly poke fun at everything and everyone around them.

* * *

Anne Darcy likes her son's new friends. She thinks Bing is good natured and has an excellent outlook on life; one that she hopes will rub off on William. She thinks Caroline is pleasant, very beautiful, and obviously interested in her son (though William remains hopelessly oblivious). But there's something Anne can't quite put her finger on. Something that Caroline is keeping well hidden. Anne doesn't figure out what it is until a month into the guests' stay.

* * *

"It was whatever." Caroline speaks low and fast into her cellphone. It's not too late, but she knows Gigi sleeps only a few doors down; for a soon to be twelve year old, she goes to bed very early.

"I had to break up with him, Emma. I'm moving on and I'm leaving it all behind," she sounds freer and more alive than Anne has ever heard her, like a completely different person.

Anne Darcy stands outside the guest bedroom and tries not to feel like a dirty eavesdropper. Curiosity roots her in place.

"No Em, of course that doesn't mean you…" Caroline continues. Anne can picture her with a slight frown, marring her beautiful features. "Well, maybe it does…I don't know. It's just stupid. The world is stupid."

Anne almost screams in fright when a small hand grabs at her elbow, but Gigi Darcy steps into view and holds a finger to her lips, quieting her surprised mother. Anne wonders how long Gigi has been listening, ear pressed to the stretch of hallway wall. Anne wonders how long _she's _been listening. It doesn't seem like too long, but guilt is starting to settle in. Just as she's about to take Gigi's hand and pull herself and her daughter into the safety of another guest bedroom, Gigi reaches out a hand and pushes open Caroline's door.

Anne stays frozen in place as Gigi shuffles into the room, leaving the door cracked open. Anne realizes that during her inner guilty musings, Caroline had hung up the phone. Anne is surprised to hear the faint sobs that overtake the girl.

"Caroline are you okay?" Gigi's faint voice comes through the cracked doorway.

Anne hears a loud thump and the hallway wall shakes. Caroline has obviously jumped and hit some body part against the wall or bed board.

"Gigi, what are you doing here?" Caroline asks, back to calm, cool, and collected. No hint of the vulnerable crying girl from moments before.

"I just heard some voices," Gigi replies, voice moving farther from the doorway and probably over towards Caroline's bed. "Just wanted to make sure everything was all right."

"Everything's fine," Caroline says, going for reassuring.

It doesn't work and Anne can hear the skepticism dripping in her daughter's next word.

"Really?"

Caroline sighs. "I was just arguing with a friend, about teenager stuff."

"I'm almost a teenager," Gigi replies, though in reality she has over a year until that claim is true.

"Just boy stuff. And friend stuff. Moving on stuff."

"Are you nervous?" Gigi asks sagely.

"Excited mostly," Caroline lies, obviously. "A little worried maybe. The future's always seemed so far away, but now it's just around the corner. Maybe I'm not ready…"

_It's fear_, Anne decides. _Fear of the unknown and fear of failure._ That is what Caroline Lee keeps well hidden from her closest friends, and even, her own brother.

"You are," Gigi says confidently. "Maybe not now, but you will be. People always rise to the occasion. Plus you've got the best people who have your back. Your parents, your brother, my brother, and me, of course."

"Maybe you and William can come visit me and Bing for Christmas," Caroline suggests and Anne can hear the smile return to her voice.

"I'd like that very much," Gigi replies softly.

* * *

Anne considers mentioning the overheard phone conversation and what followed to her son. But seeing as Gigi never mentions it again she figures it's not really her place to either. Instead, she settles for writing it all down, all her thoughts on Caroline and Bing, in the hopes that in the future she'll have a chance to talk about it with William.

* * *

The summer ends, and Darcy, Bing, and Caroline return to Harvard. The months of summer spent together fall to the back of their brains, becoming inside jokes and stories that are only ever shared when intoxicated, and no one remembers them after that night anyway.

William Darcy remembers enough though; remembers enough so that it bothers him after it all falls apart.

* * *

This is the reason that scares him. The reason that forces William to make up a million fake excuses just so that he doesn't have to face this reason.

Caroline and Bing were the last of William's true friends to know his parents. They were there in the last summer. They were there the last time William would ever see the faces of his mother and father.

Caroline knew William before and during. She knew him when he was at his absolute low, a broken shell. After seeing him like that, there is no going back. There is no hope for casual romance that leads to a normal relationship. No hope at all.


	5. Growing with each other

**A/N: This chapter isn't really about the Darcy/Caroline relationship at all... I just really needed to write about the Darcy siblings and William's struggle in raising Gigi. Kinda choppy and just some random scenarios that I couldn't get out of my head :) I promise we shall get back to the reasons why Caroline/Darcy don't work out in the next chapter! **

Chapter 4: Growing with each other

Bing taps away at his computer, booking William a flight for first thing the next morning. All the seats are filled except the ones in the way back. William is listening to Gigi cry, her sobs crackling over the bad phone connection. He barely hears her expressions of disbelief. The words spoken, through tears, by Aunt Catherine are still whirling through his head. _Dead. Car accident. Coming back from meeting in LA. Died instantly. _William didn't even know they were going to LA. Why would he? He was at Harvard. It didn't affect him when they left town anymore.

He wishes he had known they were going. Wishes he knew they were going to die. Wishes he knew to say I love you the last time they talked on the phone. Wishes they knew to say we're proud of you. Wishes they had all known to say goodbye.

* * *

William's never been a very good brother. He realizes it quickly. He has no idea how to take care of a twelve year old girl. But he refuses to let Aunt Catherine raise his sister so he begins a new life. He transfers to Stanford and brings Gigi to live at an apartment with him just off of campus. She starts at a new middle school and adjusts quickly enough. Swimming and tennis keep her busy and school and work keep him busy. Between classes, he does his best to run Pemberley Digital. And he's a father **_and_** brother to Gigi. All at age nineteen.

* * *

William meets Fitz Williams in that first year of his crazy new world. Fitz is studying at Stanford and also happens to be interning at Pemberley. He's funny and light hearted, but serious as he listens to every word of the Darcy family grief. It comes out slowly in bits and pieces, both Gigi and William slowly opening their heart to their new friend.

Fitz is the one who finally gets Gigi to start giggling again. Fitz is the one who teaches William how to cook everything from boxed macaroni and cheese to a three course Thanksgiving dinner, constantly scouring the internet for new recipes and randomly showing up at the Darcy apartment with Double Stuffed Oreos as a surprise for Gigi after school. Fitz is the one who calls at three in the morning to remind William to get at least an hour of sleep each night.

Fitz is the one who is there when George comes crawling back. Fitz helps keep it all from Gigi. Fitz is the only one William tells.

* * *

The teenage years are the hardest. Both of them can't even start to understand the other. And neither wants to admit that.

* * *

"William?" Gigi pokes her head around William's office door.

He turns around in his desk chair, phone pressed to his ear, and seeing that it's her, smiles, and mouths _it's going to be _awhile, before returning to his phone call. Gigi shifts awkwardly from foot to foot. Her friend Kate is coming to pick her up soon and she really needs to talk to her brother.

"Um…William? It's important," she says quietly.

He glances back at her, holds up one finger, and in an instant is able to extricate himself from the conversation, promising that he'll call back in just a second. His gaze focuses on her, and she suddenly wishes she could run away. Or that Fitz was here. He'd be bound to make a joke about it all and lighten the whole situation.

"Yes Gigi?" he asks, eyes softening as he looks at her.

"Um…I need some money…" Gigi replies slowly. They'd agreed that she didn't need a regular allowance, but William had made her promise to come to him if she ever needed cash for anything. Money was never really the issue anyway.

"Oh, of course," William says, pulling out his wallet. "I had forgotten you were leaving soon. How much do you need?"

"I don't know," Gigi replies, trying to think it through. "Thirty…forty dollars?"

It's not that this is so much, more just the fact that Gigi already told him that she and Kate were just going to the bakery down the street where three chocolate chip cookies are only five dollars. William stares at her suspiciously. It's unnerving and Gigi wishes she could just walk out and he'd forget it all.

"What for?" he asks, clasping his hands on his desk, in a way that reminds her painfully of her father. "Gigi…um…you aren't using this for drugs…are you?"

"What? NO!" Gigi shouts, taking a step back. "Of course not William, don't be ridiculous."

William unclasps his hands and noticeably relaxes. "Oh, okay," he replies. "Well, then what for?"

Gigi twists nervously on the spot. William's still looking at her. All she wants to do is get out of there.

"Gigi?" he presses.

"I NEED TO BUY BRAS!" she yells in one breath, face getting hot as William's ears turn maroon.

"Oh. Of course," William says stiffly, handing her two twenties. "Have a good shopping trip."

Gigi dashes from the room, wishing she could wipe the whole encounter from her brain.

* * *

Gigi's scream startles him from his studying and he races down the hallway to her room. He's surprised to find that she isn't there.

"Gigi?" he calls worriedly, walking up and down the narrow hallway between her room and his office and back again.

Her voice comes again, more calmly this time, from the bathroom. "Everything's fine William. I'm fine."

He doesn't think anything of it, and instead returns to his books. He's surprised when Fitz buzzes up to their apartment fifteen minutes later.

"Where's Gigi?" is all he asks, before slipping past a bewildered William and in the direction of Gigi's bedroom.

William only fully registers what happened a day later when he finds the box of tampons, still wrapped in a CVS pharmacy bag, on the top shelf in Gigi's bathroom. Remembering the disastrous bra shopping episode he decides to let it go, and mentally reminds himself to thank Fitz for being there for his sister.

* * *

But the worst part of the teenage years is when Gigi turns fifteen and gets her first boyfriend.

* * *

"I'm not going to be here for dinner Friday night," Gigi announces to her brother and Fitz (her honorary brother) one night over dinner. She strategically made sure that Fitz would be there for dinner this night.

"Why not?" William asks.

Gigi works to keep her tone light. "I'm going on a date."

William chokes on a piece of garlic bread in a very undignified manner. Fitz muffles laughter and gives Gigi a smile and the thumbs up sign. Gigi looks right at William as he regains his composure.

"No you're not," he states flatly.

"Yes I am," Gigi protests.

Fitz stops laughing and glances at his plate, taking a large bite of chicken.

"No. You're not," William repeats.

"Yes I am!" Gigi shouts, pushing back from the table and standing so that she has the advantage of height. "Just because you're social life is nonexistent doesn't mean mine has to be!"

She runs out before she can start crying.

* * *

William knocks lightly on her door five minutes later. She pretends she can't hear him over the blaring sounds of indie rock. He opens the door anyway and crosses to her bed.

William swallows hard. "Tell me about this young man. I want to know exactly where you're going. He has to come in the apartment and talk to me before you can go anywhere with him. And you MUST be back before ten thirty. And take your cellphone with you. And if he tries anything I will hit him so hard that he-"

Gigi cuts him off with a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. _Yes, sometimes it's hard (okay honestly? Most of the time it's hard) But they're looking out for each other. Because that's what siblings do._

* * *

When her boyfriend, Jack, breaks her heart two months later, William watches romantic comedies with her and eats Rocky Road ice cream straight out of the carton.

(He also offers to punch Jack's lights out, but Gigi politely declines that generous offer. She knows William hates confrontation).

* * *

They do okay. Learning from each other and growing with each other.


	6. More than friends?

Chapter 5: More than friends?

It's one and a half years before he's finally able to do it. Fitz offers to spend the day with Gigi, and William makes the drive alone to his childhood home.

He slowly enters his parent's room, a place not unfamiliar to him from when he was a small boy and would crawl into bed, snuggled between his mom and dad during chilly winter nights, but also a place he hasn't been in since long before they died.

The scent overpowers him: his mother's perfume and his father's aftershave, lilacs that his mom liked to press between the pages of dictionaries and the overpowering smell of his dad's bitter black coffee. He has to sit on the bed for several minutes before his legs can support him again.

* * *

There are a lot of papers. Pemberley Digital reports, countless months, with all the important dates circled, torn from his father's calendars. There are even a few love letters, from the years when his parents were first dating. (William quickly folds those up without reading them, but absentmindedly slips them into his pocket.)

He thinks he's finally rid of papers when he opens his mother's jewelry box, but nestled between a silver necklace and a pair of pearl earrings are two sheets of notebook paper, carefully folded, with light creases that don't resemble the folded and unfolded love letters. He's ready to pocket them as well when he spies the words "_To my son:" _written in his mother's loopy scriptat the top of the first page. So, he pulls them out and sits on the bed to read them.

* * *

_To my son:_

_August 2, 2001_

_Dear William, _

_I have always enjoyed letter writing as a way to express one's thoughts. Asserting my opinions through the written word helps to soften the blow of hard truths. Today I use it as a way to discern facts and as a tool of communication to you. Someday I will be able to speak all of these thoughts to you directly, but for now, this must do. _

_Firstly, William, I am so proud of you. I don't think your father and I say it nearly enough. You have balanced all your schoolwork excellently and you're a fabulous brother to both Gigi and George. I eagerly await the day when you will be able to come follow your passion at Pemberley Digital._

_But the largest amount of my pride comes from your new ability to make friends. I know better than anyone how difficult this has always been for you. (I recall you vomiting your fears (both figuratively and literally) to me, at the tender age of five, before your first day in Kindergarten). When you asked us if Bing and Caroline Lee could visit I was so pleased. You have made grand strides with your social skills. _

_I would like to share with you (though maybe you don't want to hear them yet?) my opinion of your new acquaintances, and some life lessons should be expected to be divulged along the way. _

_First: your friend Bing. Bing is a very kind soul. I hope you will benefit from his optimism, but, please William, don't let him fall prey to those who will try to abuse him. I can already tell from your interactions that you two have a strong personal connection, but remember to not only give advice, but take it too. Bing can help you, but only if you let him. _

_Second: Caroline Lee. I see a lost girl forced to grow up too fast within her. You could connect with her on that level, but only if you help her instead of looking down on her for her fears. She's infatuated with you as well. Your father and I can't help but laugh at your obliviousness. I will not try to tell you who to love, but your parents fully approve! _

_Lastly, my dearest William: a brief word of advice. Don't push people away. Let others help you. You do not have to be solitary and you don't have to be afraid of friendship. You have formed wonderful bonds with your new friends; hold on to these ties and don't let them slip through your fingers. _

_I love watching you grow. _

_I love watching you succeed. _

_I love you. _

_I'm afraid this has unfortunately turned into a jumbled mess. I will work later to fix up this clutter. _

_For now: With love always, _

_Your mother _

**_P.S. I agree with your mother about Caroline, full approval! ~ Dad_**

* * *

He reads the words four times before they fully register. He quickly dumps out the jewelry box, looking for more paper and finds nothing.

He wishes he'd never read them. Wishes he didn't have to feel guilty for disregarding his mother's last wishes. Because as much as he's missed Bing and Caroline, he's been too busy to contact them in the past year and a half. He's already let them slip through his fingers, already let go of the bonds.

He tries to cry. He hasn't since they've died. But he can't even now, so he just sticks the letter in his pocket and drives to meet Fitz and Gigi for dinner.

* * *

He calls Bing a week letter.

"Hey Darcy! How are you?" Bing greets him, as though no time has passed.

"Okay," Darcy admits. "I'm sorry I haven't called. I've been really busy with school and-" Darcy starts, but Bing interrupts.

"It's fine, man. I get it," Bing interjects and Darcy can hear the smile in his voice. "Caroline and I are going to be in LA this summer and if I get into a med school in the area for next fall, we may actually be there for a while…do you want to hang out?"

"Yeah," Darcy nods. "I'd love that."

* * *

Bing and Caroline quickly get along with Fitz (who doesn't?) and William builds up a small family that surround him and Gigi.

He's trying really hard not to think of Caroline as more than family. Despite what his mom and dad wrote in their final correspondence, he can't afford to think of Caroline in that way. He really needs her to just be a friend, as close as a sister, right now (and forever).

* * *

This is reason number six.


	7. We're not like this anymore

**A/N: Messed up the dates a little bit (okay a lot...) The letter should have been dated 2001 (I fixed it) and right now it's 2008. **

Chapter 6: We're not like this anymore

It's Bing who convinces Darcy to throw a New Year's party the year Gigi's a senior in high school. Fitz and Gigi catch on to the idea and together the three push until Darcy quickly caves. Gigi's puppy dog eyes are indomitable.

So this is how William Darcy ends up with a ton of tipsy eighteen year olds passed out in the living room of his and Gigi's apartment at two in the morning. He tried to limit the alcohol flow, but Fitz insisted that it isn't New Year's without shots and Bing assured him that no one would be allowed to drive.

Well, his little sister is only a teenager once.

William tiptoes his way out of his bedroom, stepping over kids passed out in the hallway. He heads for the building's roof.

"Hello 2008," William mutters to the empty January air.

He leans over the edge; the streetlamps outlining the litter covered streets and washing out the stars. There are fireworks still going off in the distance and William laughs bitterly at the people who never seem to be able to stop celebrating.

He's not drunk, not even tipsy. Fitz shoved several drinks into his hands, telling him to "Lighten up! It is New Year's after all!" But William has no interest in a major hangover tomorrow morning when he'll already be forced to deal with Gigi's. So when Fitz wasn't looking William poured all the shots in a coffee table plant (he'll buy a new one next week).

"Hi there," a voice mumbles from behind him.

William spins around to find himself face to face with Caroline. She's standing right behind him and he's not sure how she managed to creep up on him without him hearing her. Last he saw she was wearing stiletto shoes that clacked on all surfaces, but she seems to have lost them because her feet are bare.

Caroline shivers, arms wrapping instinctively around her body to keep warm, as a brisk wind blows by. William takes off his suit jacket and pulls it around her shoulders. She shrugs off the jacket and steps closer to William. His back is right up against the wall surrounding the roofs edge and he can't step away.

He can smell the alcohol on Caroline's breath. She's definitely drunk and it's making him uncomfortable.

"Why does everyone get drunk on New Year's Eve?" Caroline muses, her usual snarky tone creeping back into her voice. "I thought that was supposed to be like a foreshadowing of what your year will hold." Caroline rolls her eyes. "So you want to spend your year inebriated in a gutter? It's like no one has any respect for themselves. They're all hopeless."

"Correct me if I'm mistaken," Darcy inserts. "But I believe you're rather intoxicated."

"Yeah, but least I have control of my actions," Caroline replies, jabbing a finger at the air as those daring anyone to disagree.

William isn't so sure this is true, she keeps inching closer to him, but he stays quiet.

"You don't think I am," Caroline says, taking in his expression. She laughs too loudly at some unspoken joke. "Trust me, this is completely intentional."

With that she closes the small amount of distance between them with one swift step. She wraps her arms around him and leans her head lightly on his chest. William immediately stiffens, but she doesn't seem to be budging and he doesn't want to make it more awkward. He hugs her back, resting his chin on the top of her head.

It's nice. Like hugging Gigi. But her words spin around his head. _This is completely intentional. _

She mumbles something, the words vibrating against his heart.

"What?" William says into her hair. It smells like sweet flowers.

"I said, I never kissed anyone at midnight," she repeats.

"Oh," Darcy says.

"I'm going to have bad luck for the rest of the year," Caroline continues, oblivious to Darcy's discomfort. "And so are you. Unless of course you kissed one of Gigi's friends at midnight?" She giggles.

Darcy says nothing.

"So, are you going to relive me of a cursed year?" Caroline questions. She sounds like she's teasing, but when he sneaks a peek at her shadowed face, she looks serious.

"Isn't it supposed to be at midnight?" Darcy chokes out.

"10, 9, 8, 7," Caroline starts counting down. Darcy has to admit that with the fireworks still going off behind them, he could believe that it is midnight.

"3, 2, 1…"

And then she's kissing him. Her lips are soft and her mouth doesn't taste like the alcohol she's consumed. More like strawberry lip-gloss and mint tic-tacs, which isn't as bad a combination as one might think. William's mouth automatically moves with hers, even though he knows this should feel weird.

She pulls back, face flush, breathing heavy.

"I love you," Caroline breathes, so quiet he's sure he misheard her.

William says nothing.

* * *

He doesn't mention it the next morning. Doesn't mention how she passes out in his arms. Doesn't mention how he carries her downstairs, laying her in Gigi's vacated bedroom. Doesn't mention their conversation on the rooftop. Doesn't mention the kiss. And most definitely doesn't mention the words she spoke after it.

Caroline doesn't mention it either and he assumes that she doesn't remember it. She was after all very drunk. He assumes that it meant nothing

* * *

Caroline remembers and to her it meant something.

* * *

Reason number seven is a realization that comes to him not long after the kiss.

They aren't who they used to be. They aren't innocent and young and fearless. They're old and experience and afraid.

He likes Caroline a lot, might even have once loved her. Maybe in some alternate universe they would have fit perfectly together. Maybe if she wasn't Bing's sister. Maybe if his parent's didn't die and he didn't have to leave. Maybe if he hadn't read his mother's letter. Maybe if he didn't need not to love her.

But their lives did happen. They just aren't like that anymore.


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue

It's not that William Darcy never thought of Caroline Lee in that way, but then he met Lizzie Bennet.

And that was the final, and most important, reason of them all.

**A/N: THE END. Thanks so much for sticking with me guys :) And to the Anon who sent me the initial prompt on Tumblr: thank you! If you want to come off Anon and let me know what you thought that would be great! If anyone else wants to send me prompts, my Tumblr Ask box (Owlery) and my PM box on here are always open. I'll be away for a month, but I'll go through them all when I get back! **


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